Progress! Everything's painted and varnished, and two of the desks have already taken up their positions in the office. The third desk - the one I mangled - is lagging behind a bit because I had to sand it down again and repaint it. The paint doesn't cover the sanding marks perfectly (I should really have given it another coat of primer to help smooth things out, but time wasn't on my side), but in a dramatic break from my usual perfectionist tendencies I've decided not to get hung up on it. Besides, this is the desk that was sporting a fairly large hole until wood filler and I forged our beautiful friendship, so it's looking pretty good all things considered.

As for the storage unit, Mike had once casually mentioned that he thought would look good with an apple green interior (I may have elicited this information via the subtle technique of asking him). B&Q didn't have any wood paint in quite the colour I had in mind, so after much agonising I settled on Dulux's "kiwi burst 2" (hey, it's a green fruit). When I got it home and cracked it open it looked a bit darker and brighter than I'd been hoping, but I managed to convince myself that paint dries lighter than the colour in the tin. I may need to rethink that theory - I'm pretty sure the freshly-painted kiwi interior glows in the dark, and possibly guides ships into harbour.

In preparation for getting everything set up tomorrow, I thought I'd give the office a quick tidy and get rid of any miscellaneous items it had somehow managed to accumulate. So far I've removed two large sheets of green foam, a pair of water sports shoes, a saw, some fake grass and three walking stick handles. I'm beginning to wonder whether I've slightly misunderstood the nature of Mike's business.

In my head, the next steps in the Secret Office Project went something like this:

Wednesday evening: languidly spray paint furniture.

Thursday evening: paint inside of storage unit. Varnish desks and top of unit.

Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday morning: leave varnish to cure. Read improving books.

Sunday lunchtime: clean ofice and reinstate furniture.

Sunday afternoon: Mike gets home and expresses unqualified delight at office transformation. Modestly assure him it was nothing, really.

Let us take a moment to quietly mourn than schedule. In the event, it was cruelly usurped by this:

Wednesday evening: go out for dinner, confident in the knowledge that have loads of time. Get home a bit later than intended and try to apply first coat of spray paint. Bit tricker than imagined - accidentally spray own feet - but gradually get the hang of it. Lungs acquire healthy toxic patina. Slightly confused to discover that the paint can and the company's website stipulate different drying times between coats. Decide to go with the shorter time. Disturbed to find that applying the second coat causes the paint to blister and scratch. Surfaces still look patchy after two coats. Decide spray paint might not be the best way forward.

Thursday evening: head to B&Q to get normal wood paint. Sand down blistered spray paint and apply wood paint using an emulsion roller. Emulsion roller promplty embeds fibre particles into freshly painted table top. Switch to paintbush. Paintbrush promptly embeds bristles into freshly painted table top. Attempt to scrape ruined paint job off table, and succeed both in making the surface look much worse and in dripping paint all over the floor. Wonder how much it would cost to buy new desks from IKEA. A quick google establishes that could have bought three white tabletops for less than have spent in B&Q. Eat chocolate. Switch to a gloss roller and paint remaining two tables and storage unit. Manage to get paint in a) a water glass, b) the washing up bowl, c) my hair. Douse everything liberally in white spirit. Note with interest the way in which prolongued exposure to white spirit ages hands by approximately 35 years. Write blog post cataloguing the evening's trials and tribulations. Accidentally delete blog post.